I’ve always prided myself on being a strong, independent woman, even though, until almost 9 months ago, I always had man at my side.

I’m now starting to learn what “independence” really means!

For the last 8 months I’ve managed to sort most stuff for myself…paying the bills, sorting the mortgage, buying a new car etc, etc….I’ve even started cooking, although to my shame and despite my bucket list, I’ve still not got to grips with food management, cleaning the fridge or the oven properly or managing the garden.

Then, a few weeks ago there was a dead pigeon on, what I’ll laughingly call, my lawn …it’s still there! (Just can’t bring myself to pick it up)

Last week my house was almost flooded (it didn’t but, the garage did). The wall at the end of the drive collapsed under the torrent of water that was flowing down the village high street. The wall is still collapsed and I haven’t attempted to clear out the garage (I’m waiting for it to dry out…I’m thinking June will be a good time!)

Today fences are down in the strong winds…two the last time I looked but, you know how it is once one has gone the others are at risk!

Tiles have come loose on the roof and the gutters look pretty blocked, judging by the amount of water spewing down the walls.

I feels relentless, it’s all pretty depressing and makes me feel so on my own…not just the practical side of it because, if the truth be known, Bob was pretty shit at DIY home/garden maintenance, but he’d have done something and I’d have had someone to talk to, share things with, rant with…someone who cares as much as I do about “our” home.

I’ve decided this independence thing is pretty shit really!

Then I got to thinking about “independence”…we use it a lot when we talk about people like G. Hearing he would never be capable of an independent life when he was 15 months cut me to the quick…could there be anything worse?

Well yes! I’m discovering there can be because actually none of us are truly independent. We are all interdependent.

We all rely on others. We all need other people in our lives, whether it’s to fix stuff or just be there for us and help us with day to day stuff.

Tomorrow, I’ll start ringing around and get people to fix the wall, the fence, the gutter. Tonight I’ll go to the pub with friends, have a rant about the weather…have a moan about my fences…have a few drinks, have a few laughs and get on with being…well… A strong “Interdependent” woman!


About Oxfordshire Family Support Network

Oxfordshire Family Support Network (OxFSN) is a not-for-profit organisation run by and for family carers of people with learning disabilities – both children and adults. Oxfordshire Family Support Network (OXFSN) was set up in 2007 by family carers who wanted to use their experience to help others in the same situation, based on our belief that family carers are experts by their lived experience.
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